flash before my eyes

I know this may sound strange

but I have been having

flashes of my life come to me

for about a week now.

It started after a concert I played

in Logan last weekend. I had the 90

minute drive back to my mom's house

and I was listening to an old

Indigo Girls mixed CD I had

found in a box. Considering

that I grew up loving the music

they made I just smiled

thinking about singing "Mystery"

in the car with

my best friend Sarah

as we crushed on boys and

dreamed of them falling for us.

Then "Ghost" came on and

I found myself smiling thinking

about myself in 8th grade,

trying to learn the chords

so I could play that song myself.

My friend Trevor played

a mean guitar solo and I would

play him the progress

I made over the phone.

so funny.

One memory led to another.

Ballet classes, toe shoes,

learning to make friendship bracelets,

skipping dance classes to go to Butterfly Beach,

sleep overs and braiding hair, singing 'Galileo'

with my cousins- the windows

down on the way to the Guadelupe river,

listening to my dad's records,

spending so much money at some

lame game at the fair when

I was in first grade so I could just win the

Randy Travis Mirror. ha. I just

realized what a delightful

childhood I had growing up in Santa

Barbara. I had the best friends who had

the best families...who all took me

in over and over.

As the week has gone on

I've had memories flash

in my mind of college; of playing

my first big theater shows that

I would work for months to promote,

building A frames, and flyering

every dorm room in site. Remembering

the first time I played with a band.

It is funny, but still, every time

I bring a new song to rehearsal, when Dylan

and Ryan start playing I just feel

my heart swell up so big. To write a song

and then have other players flesh it out

still feels new somehow.

I've had thoughts of when

I first started falling for my husband

James. He made me a mixed tape after

our first date that had Neil Young, Pearl Jam,

and Spearhead. He was an amazing Rock Climber,

and although I had some friends warn

'don't ever go for the rock climbers'

I went for him and never have looked

back. We have been married for seven

sweet years. Lived in 5 states, soon to be 6.

I've thought about how lucky I

am to have a husband believe in

my abilities and tell me

to go for what is in my heart.

He cheerleads me on in music

and I know this gift is one

of the greatest I will ever have.

Of course my thoughts fall often this

week on my sweet daughter.

She is so tender and I love

exploring the world at her side.

To be honest, I was really afraid

when I found out I was pregnant.

That statement may sound ridiculous,

but I was. Now when I get to

hold her hand, watch her chase

the neighborhood cat, and

hold her close while we

sing each night before bed...

I know this is the best stuff on earth.

It is funny, but I thought I might

die the night I started

watching my life on review.

Isn't that what people say "my life

flashed before my eyes."

Obviously still here,

but I am so grateful for the space

this week that has allowed

this to happen.

And honestly, maybe the

gift has been to just see it

all in perspective..

Slow down and really live

in the moment.

And make the choice to be happy now, instead of waiting for _____.

xo

s